Lesson 17: Self-Honesty

Being lied to is one of the most dreadful experiences you can have. You feel hurt, duped, embarrassed, and angry. Deception erodes safety and trust in the relationship and is incredibly difficult to repair. It’s even worse when you realize that you’ve been lying to yourself.

Do you bullshit yourself sometimes? Are you trying to tell yourself a story that even you don’t believe, as if deep down inside you really don’t know your own truth? Are you selling your own personal propaganda? Perhaps you find yourself wanting to believe something, are having a hard time coming to terms with it, or are struggling to make the hard calls in life so you try to tell yourself a story about it, thinking it will magically get better on its own or its really not so bad.

Self-honesty is your chance to get real and put an end to the BS story and excuses you’ve been buying into. This helps you shed your patterns of self-deception and take a look at the hard facts and decide accordingly. There’s no need to make things better or worse than they really are. Self-honesty helps you face reality so that you can make decisions in your best interest.

  • Tell yourself the truth, even if it’s not pretty
  • Eliminate the excuses, justifications, and minimizations
  • Accept situations as they are, not as you want them to be
  • Know the difference between not being ready to take action vs deceiving yourself. Even if you’re not ready to make the hard calls or follow through with something, it’s important to be honest with yourself about what’s going on. “This is a terrible relationship and I’m not ready to leave” is very honest vs trying to convince yourself that it’s fine and there must be something wrong with you.
  • Don’t minimize or exaggerate situations
  • Be genuine and authentic
  • Be vulnerable with safe people, not just transparent
  • Acknowledge your feelings, preferences, and needs without justifying
  • Eliminate patterns of pleasing, perfecting, and performing
  • Recognize your mistakes and be accountable for them

If you want a printed version of this lesson, CLICK HERE.