In spite of what others may want or expect from you, not every request requires your attention or immediate response. Sometimes, you can make better decisions once you’ve had the time to think things through and give it the attention and reflection it needs. Then, and only then, can you proceed with a reply.

Here are a few phrases you can offer when you need some time to reflect and review.

• “I need some time to think about that.”
• “I’m not ready to decide quite yet.”
• “I’ll get back to you.”
• “I’m not sure. I’m going to sit on it for a bit.”
• “Let me see how I feel that day.”
• “I’ll take some time to take all of that in.”
• “There are a few questions I have before I decide.”
• “I’m not ready to talk about this yet.”
• “That’s interesting. I’ll look into it.”
• “I’m going to sleep on it for a few days.”
• “That’s a lot to process. I’ll need some time.”
• “I want to give this the attention it needs. I’m going to think about it.”
• “I’m not in the best place to decide right now.”
• “This stirs up some thoughts for me and I want to give you a fair response.”
• “If you need an answer right now, it will have to be no.”

Certainly, I know “no” is a complete sentence, so offering this as the only piece of information may be appropriate in some situations.  However, simply saying no can be abrupt, confusing, and perhaps leaves more to be clarified. Most people have the need for understanding and will digest the answer a little easier with a brief explanation or a few bits of information. There is a big difference between explaining vs justifying your answer. Offering a brief clarification is fine without going into a lengthy defense of why you are saying no.

Below are a few ways to firmly and respectfully say no:

• “I’d love to but I have another commitment.”
• “I’m going to pass on that.”
• “Thanks for considering me. I’m going to say no this time.”
• “My calendar is full right now so I’m not able to take on one more commitment.”
• “I’m not my best when I overcommit so I’m going to say no.”
• “That sounds great. I’m sorry that I can’t help you with this one.”
• “I’m unable to do that.”
• “That’s not a good fit for me but thanks for thinking of me.”
• “I can see how much this means to you. I’m sorry I can’t help.”
• “I’m going to sit this one out.”
• “I can’t help, but I can provide you with some other resources.”
• “Less is more for me so I’m going to decline.”
• “I’m focusing my time on other things right now.”
• “That’s not of interest to me.”

Write your responses for saying no in the examples provided below.

I’ve heard it said before, “You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.” Interesting… Getting involved in something by showing up, answering, or reacting are all choices you make, like poking at the hornet’s nest. You do have a choice.

Communication is one of the finest dances we will ever do with someone and can be very delicate. When handled properly, communication can lead to profound understanding, intimacy, and connection. When mishandled, it can be destructive, damaging, and depleting. The simplest miscommunication can sometimes have tragic results. It is important to know what you’re saying and the needs attached to your interaction.

You engage in conversation for all kinds of reasons – to relay information, collect information, to process, and to share. You converse for the sake of understanding, connection, mutuality, and growth. However, in order to get these results, both parties need to be willing to truly hear. Some people may be communicating to make a point, gain control, or be heard. If someone is trying to explain, defend, justify, or dominate, there’s little purpose in engaging in such “conversation” because it is more one-sided and has different needs attached.

If you find yourself frustrated, exacerbated, overwhelmed, resorting to screaming or defeated surrender, chances are you’re not being heard and it is important to step back. If you’re consumed and overwrought by someone or something, it may be time to take a breather and get a different perspective. Perhaps it’s just a bad day or a really heated topic, or maybe it’s an unhealthy person or toxic situation. Either way, it’s critical that you take a look at what’s going on and how you’re feeling. Detachment is an effective tool that will help you separate yourself and disengage from difficult people and situations. It’s the ability to remain grounded, neutral, and responsive rather than emotionally, physically, or verbally charged and reactive.

Detachment allows you to preserve your time, energy, and effort. It’s a protective measure that lets you to maintain your sanity, character, and well-being while being respectful enough to allow others to walk their own path. If you’re getting tangled and starting to react, or if you’re getting baited into something that’s not in your best interest, detachment can be a powerful tool for you to step back and regain your perspective. Sometimes the only thing you can do is ensure that you don’t make a bad situation worse. Agreeing or disagreeing will get you entangled in the conversation and their energy. Detachment allows you to “unhook” yourself as lovingly as you can. You don’t have to engage or add any more fuel to the fire. Simple statements or energy shifts can help you deflect and disengage, like dodging a bullet.

The following are ways you can detach: 

• Say nothing
• Find a reason to leave the room or end the call.
• “That’s an interesting perspective.”
• “Sure, that’s one way to look at it.”
• “Alright”
• “Wow”
• “Okay”
• “You may be right.”
• “I never looked at it that way.”
• “Well, that could be.”
• “Sounds like you have a plan.”
• “We’ll see how that plays out.”

Watch your tone and body language. Much is said without saying a word. Make sure you use your self-care tools so that you can stay grounded and true to yourself and let their energy go as much as possible. Walk away from the hornets’ nest whenever you start to hear the buzz of conflict and drama starting to stir.

And there you have your basic road map for ways to handle difficult decisions, people, and situations. You’ve even had some of your own practice work to reinforce your mastery of each of these. You are well equipped to navigate the relational roads but let’s take it one step further to fully prepare you.

If you want a printed version of this lesson, CLICK HERE.