Like it or not, here we are at the holidays. Most of us are still feeling the whirlwind of this year, and now we’re in the season of family, celebration, gratitude, endings, and beginnings. It can be a lot.

Let me offer you some support and guidance as you navigate through the holidays to help you feel equipped and empowered. 😀

#1 – Embrace the true value of your commodities:
⏳ Time – the most valuable commodity you possess. Once you spend it, you can never get it back. Spend your time wisely this holiday season.

💪🏻 Effort – why are you working so hard?!? Really, why are you putting forth so much effort? Do you enjoy it? Is it worth it? If the answer is “yes,” then keep doing it! If the answer is “no”, it’s time to come to terms with the toll of your efforting and perhaps do a little less this year.

💥 Energy – if energy were easily measured, you may feel more justified in saying “no” because you would have evidence or proof of how little energy you really have. Like telling someone you can’t afford something, perhaps you can be mindful of the mental and emotional energy you’re spending this season. Chances are you can’t afford the toll of people-pleasing, over-accommodating, worrying, or trying to be all things for all people.

# 2 – Boundaries are your best friends. 👩🏽‍🤝‍👩🏻💕
Be very clear about what you’re willing to do, for how long, when, and for whom.
“Our house is open from 12:00 – 4:00 on the 26th. Dinner will be served close to 2:00. This year, I’m asking people to bring whatever they want to drink and a side to share.”
It’s not up to someone else to read your mind or know what you need. Unspoken expectations are dangerous and sabotaging. Over-functioning is exhausting and depleting. Be clear, concise, and assertive.
Say “no” when and where you need to.  👎🏻
“Thanks for the invite. I’ve committed to other plans this year. I hope you all have a great day.”
Don’t over-explain, apologize, or make unrealistic promises for the future. Allow them to have whatever reaction or emotion they may need to have. That’s not up to you.
Say “yes” where you want. Add parameters if needed. 👍🏻
“I’m happy to pick you up, but I’ll be leaving by 3:00. You’re welcome to leave with me or find a different way home if you’re not ready to head out.”
“Yes, I’d love to come. I’ll be there around 12:00 to spend a few hours. I have some other opportunities later in the day.” (They don’t need to know that your other opportunity is back at home on the couch with a good book.)
Boundaries may not be easy, but they’re necessary.

# 3 – Self – Anchor ⚓
There is nothing like family to knock you off kilter. One conversation, and there you are… 12 years old again.
Self – Anchoring is your ability to stabilize and find your footing in the midst of conflict or high emotion.
Take a breath. Get yourself grounded. Go to the bathroom, look in the mirror, and grab ahold of your feelings and needs. Find something enjoyable in the room to focus on.

Some proactive tips for Self – Anchoring:
Write. Put pen to paper to help sort out your thoughts, feelings, and needs. Allow your journal to be your dumping ground and processing tool. ✍🏻
Prayer and Mediation – ask for help, get quiet and reflective. Be still to allow room for spiritual connection and insight. Every situation is an opportunity to learn, grow, and heal. Get yourself prayed up to be rooted and grounded before you embark on any holiday engagement.  🙏🏻

# 4 – Self – Define 🤔
Most people adopt tradition from what they grew up with, what was taught and role-modeled. But there comes a point where you can assess if those things are still working and still fit into what you want out of life.
Perhaps you live far away from family or have endured separation or loss.
Perhaps family relationships are hurtful, and holidays come with nothing more than conflict and disappointment.
Perhaps you’re just feeling exhausted and need something different this year.
Self-Defining is your opportunity to explore, clarify, and redesign basic concepts such as family, holiday, and tradition.
What does family really mean to you?
What traditions would you like to start?
How do you want to celebrate?
Start there with the plans and decisions you make.

# 5 – Self – Permission 👌🏻😊
Get out of your own way.
Stop over-thinking so much.
Don’t wait for someone else’s permission or approval to do what you want to do.
Try something different.
Step outside of your comfort zone.
It’s up to you to decide and follow through with what feels right. Take a risk, no matter how big or small. Do something that feels good and soak in every moment. Celebrate the wins and take really good care of yourself.

# 6 – Self – Responsibility 💓
Your well-being is up to you. Take responsibility for what’s in your best interest. Change can be scary, but so is walking around feeling irritated, overwhelmed, and disappointed.
Sometimes, the best thing you can offer is not to make a bad situation worse. Be part of the change and the solution, not part of the problem.
Remember… don’t go to Lowe’s for milk! 🥛
If your family is not supportive, accepting, or encouraging, stop expecting that from them. Your needs aren’t wrong, but your family is not going to magically be different just because you want them to be. Get your needs met where you can.

If you need some extra help, reach out to me.
Grab your copy of “Misunderstood” for some deeper reflection and practice.

Most importantly, celebrate who you are and how far you’ve come.
I’m so proud of you and so grateful to be able to know you.