A Year Without Alcohol
How Real Change Happens: The Power of Small, Consistent Choices
A year ago, I saw a picture of myself and felt both saddened and startled by what I saw. The image reflected someone I barely recognized. Not in a self-critical or shaming way — but in a clear, undeniable wake-up call.
What I saw didn’t reflect who I knew myself to be or how I wanted to show up in the world. And no amount of training, credentials, or experience could soften that moment. It was honest. It was uncomfortable. And it made one thing clear:
It was time to get real with myself.
Where Real Change Begins:
Change doesn’t start with motivation.
It starts with Self-Honesty.
Self-Honesty is one of the S.O.S. (Sense of Self) tools I write about in Misunderstood. It’s the ability to tell yourself the truth — not harshly, not judgmentally — but clearly.
It’s much easier to focus on what other people should do. To look at someone else’s life and identify the habits, patterns, and choices that aren’t working. After more than 30 years in practice, I’m very good at helping others recognize where change is needed — educating, equipping, and empowering them to do something different.
Doing that for myself has been harder.
I had to ask myself some uncomfortable questions:
- How did I get here?
- What am I actually doing day to day?
- What behaviors and habits am I overlooking or normalizing?
- What am I doing that doesn’t support who I want to be?
The answers weren’t dramatic. They were subtle — easy to justify, minimize, and explain away.
What I Started to Notice:
I became aware of patterns that had slowly turned into “normal,” a way of living that didn’t seem like a big deal — until I actually paid attention:
- Running on autopilot and relying on mind-numbing distractions
- Mindless living: scrolling, TV, habits, and routines on repeat
- Taking extra bites and consuming larger portions without awareness
- Using alcohol to celebrate, to unwind, to socialize — and honestly, at times, to numb and distract
And here’s a question worth sitting with:
Why is alcohol the only poison in our society that we’re expected to justify not using?
None of these behaviors felt extreme or problematic. There were no dramatic consequences forcing change. This could have easily been a moment I ignored — minimized — and slid right back into unconscious living.
But I have the tools.
And it’s my responsibility to use them.
Self-Honesty opened the door to Self-Awareness. Once I admitted what wasn’t working, I could finally see the patterns I’d been ignoring.
Self-Awareness: Seeing What’s Really There
Before anything could change, Self-Awareness had to come online.
This is the practice of paying attention — noticing your thoughts, behaviors, and patterns without rushing to fix or defend them.
Some habits had become so familiar that I didn’t even notice them anymore. Their cumulative impact was subtle, like the lobster slowly boiling without realizing how hot and dangerous the water had become.
Awareness doesn’t demand immediate action.
It presents a choice.
It simply asks you to pay attention.
To stay present.
And presence can change everything.
Not Drinking: A Small Choice That Created Space
As I began paying closer attention, one thing became impossible to ignore: the role alcohol was playing in my life.
Not because of a crisis.
Not because of consequences.
But because I wanted clarity.
Choosing not to drink became a small, consistent practice — not a rule, not an identity, not a declaration. It started with awareness and a single honest choice rooted in Self-Honesty.
I had to acknowledge that I was doing something regularly that wasn’t serving me or moving me toward who I wanted to be.
What I wanted instead was:
- More presence
- More regulation
- More honest feedback from my body, emotions, and nervous system
Slowly, that one small change began to strengthen my relationship with myself in ways I didn’t expect.
Self-Responsibility: Power Without Shame
The third S.O.S. tool, Self-Responsibility, is often misunderstood.
This isn’t about blame.
It’s not pressure.
It’s not “you should do better.”
Self-Responsibility is empowerment.
It’s the willingness to say:
This is my life, my body, my nervous system — and I get to choose how I care for it.
Instead of trying to overhaul everything, I focused on what was sustainable:
- Smaller, more intentional portions
- Sitting down at meals to be present and mindful
- Daily meditation and reflection — not long, not fancy, just consistent
- Fewer numbing behaviors and more intentional use of time
- And, just for today, no alcohol
No drastic changes.
No dramatic declarations.
Just repetition — day after day — of what was working.
Why Small Habits Matter
Most people believe change needs to be intense to be effective.
But real change doesn’t happen through intensity.
It happens through consistency.
Research shows that habits form through repeated actions in response to specific cues, and that small, manageable changes are more likely to stick over time.
Small habits build:
- Manageable, sustainable momentum
- Self-trust
- Regulation
- Integrity
- A stronger sense of self
Points of Awareness:
Socialization
Alcohol is deeply embedded in our culture. It’s everywhere. People often question why you’re not drinking, as if it’s a social requirement that needs explaining.
Stress
Alcohol quickly shifts your physical, mental, and emotional state. Not using it forced me to find other ways to regulate stress and overwhelm — without numbing.
Self-Identity
So much social connection revolves around drinking. Removing it invited honest reflection: Who am I without this? What do I actually enjoy? Who do I genuinely feel good being around?
This hasn’t always been easy. And I won’t pretend it has been.
Sobriety is a big deal — even when you don’t have a “problem,” just unhelpful habits. Not drinking required me to look closely at myself, my relationships, my coping, and my mindset.
And I like what I see now.
Each time you follow through on a small, aligned choice, you reinforce safety and trust within yourself. That relationship is the foundation.
The Bigger Shift
Nearly a year later, the changes are noticeable — but more importantly, they’re felt.
Not because I had to fix myself.
But because I made a choice every day to stay present — with what I was doing and why I was doing it.
This is what I want people to understand:
If change is going to happen, it requires participation.
Self-Awareness.
Self-Honesty.
Self-Responsibility.
These are tools you can use to create any change you want.
Real change isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to yourself—one honest choice at a time.
An Invitation:
If something in your life feels off, resist the urge to overhaul everything.
Start here:
What small habit could you change today? How might your life look different in a year if you started now?
- Self-Awareness:What am I noticing?
- Self-Honesty:What’s actually true?
- Self-Responsibility:What choice am I ready to make?
That’s how real change happens.
Steadily.
Consistently.
One honest choice at a time.
