Self-Referencing During the Holidays

✨ Self-Referencing During the Holidays ✨ 

✨ Self-Referencing During the Holidays ✨ 
🎄 Give by Choice, Not by Compulsion 🎄 

Your Terms & Conditions:
Here we are again… The holidays…
It can be a beautiful mix of connection and celebration — but let’s be honest, they can also stir up chaos, conflict, obligation, and overwhelm.
There can be as much pain as there is pleasure, if not more.
Let’s do this differently❣️
Before you find yourself tangled in traditions, expectations, or “shoulds,” I invite you to break out your copy of “Misunderstood”, specifically the S.O.S. (Sense of Self) Tools and try something radical this season! Today, let’s focus on the tool of Self-Referencing‼️💫

Most of us know how to “other-reference” by asking questions or making statements such as:
“What should I do?”
“What’s expected of me?”
“What will they think?”
“I can’t upset them.”

Self-Referencing is different. It empowers you to look within and to check your commodities of Time, Effort, and Energy. That means, before you offer an automatic “yes”, you check in with you first — your well-being, your needs, and your values.

Here’s how to use it:

  • How do I want to celebrate this year?
  • Who do I enjoy spending time with and feel good around?
  • What do I really want or need right now?
  • Do I have it to give and why am I doing what I’m doing?
  • What are my boundaries for this situation? For example – Do I need to drive separately? Can I stay for a few hours rather than all day? Will I leave if the drinking begins?

When you Self-Reference, you make choices that are right for you — not driven by guilt, obligation, fear, or habit. You stay in charge of your experience and act in your best interest.
This isn’t selfish; it’s Self-Honoring 😍

🎁 Giving by Choice, Not Compulsion
Let’s be clear — you don’t have to give of your Time, Effort, or Energy just because it’s the holidays or because someone else expects something from you. You don’t have to buy, host, stay all day, spend, or overextend yourself to please others or to prove yourself. It’s worth considering what you’re doing and why you’re doing it.
True generosity comes from overflow, not depletion.
Before you say yes, ask:

  • What’s my motive? Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel I should?
  • Will this bring peace or drain my energy?
  • Am I trying to create connection or please and avoid conflict?

Remember, Self-Honesty too❣️ When your giving comes from choice, it carries clarity, not resentment.

❤️ Your Holiday Reminder
This season, give yourself permission to:
✅ Set boundaries without guilt
✅ Redefine what “giving” means
✅ Say no without justification
✅ Rest, restore, and reconnect with what matters most

You are the author of your life, not a character in someone else’s holiday script.
Write your own terms.
Give when it’s genuine.
Say no when it’s necessary.
And remember — Self-Referencing is one of the most generous gifts you can offer yourself.
I’ll offer Self-Honoring, Self-Responsibility, and Self-Permission to add to your toolbox too🛠️💚

✨ With Intention,
Allyson Blythe, LCSW & Certified Life Coach
Educate • Equip • Empower
🌐 www.allysonblythe.com
📞 (859) 341-7773
📧 allysonblythe@live.com

 

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