Awareness is your most powerful tool.
This material is intended to educate and empower you as you look at the ways you function and relate in the world. Just like the elephant in chains, you may have some very limiting beliefs and behaviors that have been working against you that you haven’t even realized… until now.
There’s no judgment.
This is your opportunity to learn and create change where you are ready. Once you take a look at these patterns with profound self-awareness, you are equipped with the essential tools of self-defining and self-responsibility. (You can learn more about these powerful tools in the S.O.S. section of “Misunderstood: Rewriting The Rules of Dignity and Self-Respect”.) Through the use of these impactful tools, you will be able to navigate life and relationships in a much more fulfilling way. You can finally put an end to tireless functioning, sabotage, and self-destruction. You will be able to create healthier, happier, and more authentic relationships and circumstances. You will be better equipped to cope, manage, and claim full responsibility for the quality of your life.
You may notice a difference in how you function between the many different roles you play.
There may be a contrast in how you think, act, and feel in your personal vs. professional life. Matters of the heart (interpersonal relationships) may evoke certain feelings, fears, or behaviors vs. a work environment in which your worth, value, and competence may be at stake. You may notice a difference between who you are in social settings vs. with your family. These are important distinctions to note. Exploring these differences will help deepen your awareness and insight. Looking even further into the reasons for these differences will allow you to dig deeper into understanding how you function and why you function the way you do.
You may want to explore how your patterns were created and how they’ve played out through different stages of your life, situations, and relationships.
Perhaps you’ll notice long-standing family, social, and cultural patterns that have been learned and reinforced throughout your life. Now is the time for a fresh perspective along with self-honesty and self-compassion as you step into a new level of awareness and personal responsibility.
Let’s be clear, you weren’t born with these patterns.
Babies don’t come out of the womb looking to please people, trying to be perfect, or mitigating conflict for others. Your behaviors were learned and somehow reinforced throughout your life. Though you certainly may have a particular nature, disposition, preference, or temperament, the patterns we’re discussing here are not your essence. Perhaps they’re good traits gone too far. Perhaps they’re not true to you at all; they’re just habits. These are learned behaviors that can be refined to work in your best interest.
It is time to let go of the self-talk that reinforces your limitations, such as “That’s just the way I am.” or “I’ve always been like this. I can’t help it.” Yes, you can help it. With some awareness, understanding, and conscious choice, you can absolutely change these patterns.
You’ll be asked the question, “Why?” frequently throughout this program.
This is to help you clarify your perspective, thoughts, feelings, and motives. Determining why you’re doing something is a critical starting point to this process. Understanding and clarifying your motives will help you have a strong picture of whether a behavior is healthy or unhealthy and effective or ineffective. Only you know your motives. It’s important to be honest about what you’re doing and why. Motives can sometimes be mixed. Determine your main motivation and drive. If your response is “I don’t know,” sit with it longer until you can figure it out. There’s no judgment, but motives are critical to determine so you can get to the bottom of why you’re doing the things you do and assess the health of your behavior.
Doing something out of obligation, habit, fear, or avoidance is vastly different than doing it for a spiritual or ethical reason.
Doing something because you love it and have fun with it is much different than trying to impress someone. Staying with someone out of love and commitment during a challenging season is much different than staying so you don’t feel alone or sad. Be honest with yourself and look deep into your heart to understand yourself more clearly. It’s okay if you have several motives all at once. However, it is time to decipher which motives are the driving force behind your behaviors and decisions.
I encourage you to take your time exploring this program and what arises for you during the process. You will get as much out of this material as you put into it. Awareness can take some much-needed time and may evoke a lot of thought, memories, and questions. You may find a lot of emotion being stirred up too. That’s all part of it. I encourage you to set your own pace, be honest, and practice self-compassion. Reach out to me if you need to. You don’t have to do this work alone. Now, let’s begin!
