Feelings, Needs, & Strategies

Feelings: Expressing how you actually feel about what you have observed

There are no right or wrong feelings.
Feelings serve as indicators
Your comfort level with feelings is based on your interpretation, past experiences, and belief systems
Feelings are real, not fact
You have a right to express your feelings

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CLICK HERE to print the Feelings & Needs Menu.

At the very end of this page, you will be able to answer all the questions pertaining to what you learn in the following videos.

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I tend to use action words instead of feeling words when I share what I am feeling. (ex. disrespected vs sad)

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I am recognize some of my core needs as: (attention, acceptance, respect, input into decisions)

The steps I can take to get my needs met are...

I often believe my feelings are wrong.

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I have been criticized for being "too" emotional.

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I feel guilty over having too many feelings.

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I value my feelings and see them as indicators that something is not right.

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When I have a negative feeling, I take time to understand what's going on.

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I understand the difference between feelings and actions. (ex. Feeling angry vs hitting someone)

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I understand the feeling is not the problem, rather it is the behavior that can be the problem.

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I believe I have a right to express my feelings.

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I understand I am responsible for the consequences of how I handle my feelings.

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When my core needs are not being met, I tend to:

I understand that feelings are real, but are not always fact.

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If I were to hear someone say, "I feel like I can't trust him." What actual feelings might that person be experiencing? Use Your Feelings Menu!

If I were to hear someone say, "I feel like you never listen to me." What actual feelings might that person be experiencing? Use Your Feelings Menu!

If I were to hear someone say, "I think he'll never get it right." What actual feelings might that person be experiencing? Use Your Feelings Menu!

I understand that all behavior is an attempt to meet a need, even when it is unhealthy behavior.

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I am in tune with my emotional needs.

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I am in tune with my spiritual needs.

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I am in tune with my physical needs.

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Things I can do to meet my physical needs:

Things I can do to meet my emotional needs:

Things I can do to meet my spiritual needs:

What need do you hear in this statement, “I need you to be there for me.”? Use Your Needs Menu!

What need do you hear in this statement, “I need her to get a job.”? Use Your Needs Menu!

What need do you hear in this statement, “I need you to respect me.”? Use Your Needs Menu!

I understand that strategies may rely on another person, place, or thing to help meet the need.

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I understand that strategies may vary from day to day, person to person, and situation to situation.

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I understand that strategy is usually where conflict arises because different people have different ways they try to meet their needs.

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LET'S PRACTICE: Ethel & Earl have been retired for 10 years. Their children are all well established. They have plenty of money to continue living comfortably for many more years. Their home is paid in full and most of their days are spent in the rest and relaxation of retirement. Earl wants to travel and start spending more of their time and finances on adventures, trips, and projects. Ethel prefers to stay close to home. She wants to keep most of the money for their kids and grandkids and keep the money just in case of a rainy day. Ethel's needs are...

Ethel's strategy is...

Earl's needs are...

Earl's strategy is...

Liz and Matt have been dating for 2 years. Matt is an up and coming sales manager for a local software company and Liz is a student at a local college. Matt has been working all the time and is now traveling 10-15 days each month and now wastes an additional 2-3 hours on the computer when he gets home. Liz is alone during the day and when he travels and is now spending all of her time checking up on Matt and always complaining to him. Two weeks ago she started an email exchange with an old boyfriend. Liz's feelings are...

Liz needs...

Liz's strategy is...

Matt's feelings are...

Matt needs...

Matt's strategy is...

I have a tendency to self-sabotage.

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I have sabotaged myself in the following ways...

I tend to scream when I need to be heard.

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I have shut down when I really need to be heard.

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I tend to use a destructive way to get my needs met. (ex. gossip to belong and matter, smoke to relax and connect)

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The unhealthy vices I use in an effort to meet my needs are...

I use these vices because...

When it comes to decision making, what are some trade-offs you've experienced?

What did you gain from this trade-off?

What did it cost you?

I need to be more mindful of the trade-offs I make to meet my needs.

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Through answering these questions, I realize...

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Feelings, Needs, & Strategies

Allyson Blythe Certified Life Coach Licensed Clinical Social Worker, LCSW

Allyson Blythe
Certified Life Coach
Licensed Clinical Social Worker, LCSW